Just like carers across Victoria everywhere, I have been relishing life returning to normal. Finally after several months I had been able to visit my aging dad, see my grandkids, and feel thankful that my son who has cerebral palsy, was well and had managed to get through the worst of the Covid 19 pandemic in Australia unscathed. 

It took dedication and sacrifice on behalf of my whole family, and I am not alone in saying this. All carers have been doing similar, because we more than most know the price we will pay for not taking absolute care. We also know the workload we will put on our shoulders should our visiting carers find themselves unable to work with us. So it was with a huge amount of frustration that I read of the backward step Victoria has taken in its fight against this pandemic.

While we watch others in the country get back to relative normality, visiting loved ones, catching up with friends, and breathing a sigh of relief, we find ourselves looking at the possibility of many more weeks of constraints. I am frustrated knowing it would not be people within our demographic flaunting safeguards. To do so would mean making ourselves suffer. No those flaunting recommended practice will undoubtedly not have others to care for in the same full time way we do. As carers we are aware that those in the community who don’t walk our path cannot be blamed for not understanding how their behaviors, including congregating against government advice, could impact us. In reality unless you live with the responsibility of the care of someone else, you cannot possibly understand how we feel. 

It is really easy to get frustrated and upset as a caregiver, when you live your own life around mitigating every risk you possibly can, to the loved one you have responsibility for. It is also frustrating to hear and see many comments about just quarantining the vulnerable and let everyone else get on with their life.  In a community we are all vulnerable when people lose their ability to care for the welfare and feelings of others. Some caregivers might suggest quarantining those who are putting others at risk to be a fair deal but I don’t see comments along that line. Perhaps because we as a group do just get on with it. 

So here we are heading back into weeks to restrictions which is tough for everyone. As a caregiver though, when you allow yourself to relax a little after so many weeks of worry, it can be even more shattering than the first time around. It takes quite a toll to care for someone else when there are no added issues. To find you are back where you had started, just as the pressure begins to release, can push many people into a depressive feeling of gloom. It is a time when carers can really begin to feel the pressure of that extended worry. So it is important to deal with that pressure before it starts to take a toll. Mental well being can easily erode with constant battering, and being a carer means we are already at risk of lowered resilience. 

There are two ways to handle what is going on in our lives through this present situation, one optimal, and one dysfunctional.

The dysfunctional one is to live in panic and fear. No one wants to do this but it happens easily if we let our imagination run amok. Poring over news reports, listening to negative information, and getting annoyed at the many indiscretions others in the community may be doing can put us in the mode of looking outside for triggers to upset us, instead of looking within and drawing on the strength we already have. Taking your cues from negativity and fear will lower your immune system, distress those around you, and cause you sleepless nights. It wears down on you and eventually your mental health will suffer. When that happens all bets are off as you find the hole you have fallen into grows bigger each day. I would not recommend taking this approach.

Stick with the positive approach that has sustained you through your caring journey. You have come this far. You may just need to be reminded of a few steps to stay on track. I know I had to pull back at one point when this pandemic first began. I am now coping with the barrage of information in a different way.  

Firstly there are a few things to think about rationally. Answer these questions to put things in perspective to give yourself a positive platform.

1. Is the media telling me constantly negative news. Do I really need to follow every news article, or should I just keep a heads up once a day?

2. How many people do I personally know who have had Covid 19 and just how sick are they? This can really make you put things in perspective. At this point in winter my son has a greater threat from circulation problems due to cold temperatures. So that is what I am concentrating on containing. Our usual care in the community will see us doing what is appropriate in all areas. No need to add more fear.

3. If the people I personally know who have had it were not seriously ill then why am I fearing the worst. Shouldn’t the reports in the news discussing how so many don’t even have symptoms, and most recover without concern, give me encouragement. 

4. Yes some people get really ill but I don’t know their background, their health or age. I don’t know if they were already ill in the first place. I have no idea about how anyone who has become sick lives their lives. I only know how I live mine and about the care I take of my loved one.

5. If I am doing all the right things to protect my family I should feel safer, not vulnerable. Think of the protective strategies you put in place like a force field. The more strategies you have in place, the better prepared you are, and the quicker you can respond should you need to. 

6. Think back over the tough times you have already been through over the years. I know my son had serious surgeries, pneumonia, accidents, and more. All things we came through after having taken much more effort than what I am dealing with now. Concentrate on the issues that are affecting you in the present moment. Deal with them so you have a solid base, and worry about the things you cannot control if and when you need to, knowing you are astute and have a plan of action.

7. Remember that the constant media announcements are a barrage of rules and best practice necessities designed to awaken those in our community who don’t do what is needed. We do. We have done year after year. It is why we still have loved ones in our care. It is why our loved ones trust us with their lives and future health.

When I sat back and really thought about my own fears during this pandemic, I had to admit to myself that the lock down rules, the social distancing and the care taken when being out and about during winter is really not much different in my home than what I have done for years. My concern had increased because I was hearing for the first time how others should be doing what has been common practice for me over many years. I have always needed to take care, just as every other carer out there has. 

For our own mental health we must remain positive and continue doing what we know is best for those we love. When it comes to coping  in a crises, we really are the role models others can learn from. For many in our community it has come as a huge shock to be put in this unfamiliar position. For us it is a daily normality. As you already know, your loved one gains their strength from you so stay strong.