There are few parents of disabled children who don’t need an advocate at some time or other. Even the strongest willed of us would be wise to seek the support of an advocate at stressful times in our lives. Having said that, unless you’ve had cause to understand the term, you may be unaware of just what role an advocate can play in your life.

An advocate is a generic term used to describe the work of many varied and differing people, from lawyers, counselors, politicians, and in fact any number of people who work on behalf of another to get the best outcome. “Good heavens, you might be thinking. What kind of advocate do I need, and why would I be trying to find one among the many who must all have their phone number listed?” “Why on earth would anyone suggest I need an advocate when I am having enough trouble finding the services I need day to day as it is.”

You are in fact an advocate yourself if you care for a child, aged parent, or invalid spouse. The very role you hold in the lives of your loved ones, or possibly clients you care for if you are a paid carer, puts you in the position of needing to do your best to uphold the rights and best care outcomes for your charge. Advocates hone their skills through experience and by asking questions, seeking answers, and testing those answers to choose the best available option.

As time passes your advocacy skills will slowly evolve. You may truly believe you have become extremely good at knowing what decisions to make on a day to day basis. You may feel extremely confident in the choices you have made up until now. It may even be the case there has been no need to seek advocacy assistance, causing you to think little about it. Then one day, seemingly out the the blue, you may find yourself out of your depth, lacking the resources and support you could otherwise draw on.

One such example is the hurdles to be overcome when a disabled child reaches school age . You may have done the necessary preliminaries of deciding on specialist or regular school, and paperwork for enrollment. But then the phone rings and you are asked to meet with the Principal to have a chat about the needs of your child.

Now you would think this is all pretty straight forward, but the nerves do take over and the doubts begin to creep in. Now is when an advocate would come in pretty handy, but you are really not prepared to find one, even if you knew the kind of person you should be looking for. It can however, be much simpler than you might imagine. I will tell my own story as an example.

My son Rob had been attending the Yooralla Spastic Center for disabled children once a week in order to help him assimilate for full time school. Rob was very bright and learned to talk early on. It was fortunate his throat muscles weren’t affected by his Cerebral Palsy. His body however is severely affected. For this reason the Physiotherapist suggested his schooling would be best delivered at their center. I on the other hand was concerned that his quick brain and good communication, would be impacted without more stimulation. I was told his physical body would suffer if he were enrolled in a regular school. During those early years it was unheard of for such a disabled child to go to a regular school. Inclusive education was very new in the 80s and our country school had never had such a request.

I spent the year before his eventual enrollment making myself sick with worry. “Would I be doing the right thing? Was I being selfish as I had been told? How would I cope on the first day of school, and how would Rob cope not being able to do the things his friends could. Would he be better around other kids who couldn’t walk either?” These and many many more questions filled my days. And then the phone call came to request I attend a meeting with the Principal.

I didn’t go to that first meeting alone though. I asked a friend who had been a former teacher, was aware of my concerns, and was knowledgeable about Robs development, to come along. I will never forget that meeting. The Principal looked at me and asked how Rob communicated. I told him confidently that Rob spoke as well as any other child. Then he looked past me to my friend and asked her how Rob communicated, almost as if I wasn’t even in the room. She replied with the same words I had used, and yet he seemed to hear her. I left the meeting feeling as if I didn’t actually exist. As if I was invisible. And that was just the first meeting. But I learned a few valuable lessons even in those early school days.

It doesn’t matter how confident you feel, and how determined you are that the decisions you are making are for the best. Traumatic times surface when anything new is unfolding. The newness of the situation causes stress, and because of that stress, and sometimes the shock of not being heard, you may miss some vital information. You might forget to ask the question on the tip of your tongue. Or you may be asked a question you hadn’t prepared for and not write it down clearly to research later. An advocate gives you a second pair of ears. They become your personal secretary taking notes and reminding you of questions that slip your mind. And after the meeting they become a sounding board, not hearing you retell a distorted story, but with full knowledge of the facts as they have been said.

In my opinion it is best not to use a family member, spouse, or highly supportive friend as your advocate. They may be overly emotional and not calmly controlled enough to hear every word and take every note. By all means choose a person you have confidence in, but perhaps look for the qualities they can bring to the meeting. I chose an ex teacher who knew my family but was not my best friend. She had enough distance to remain a steadying influence. It is also advisable to ask your advocate to attend all other similar meetings with you as well. Not only do they provide support, they double your presence. It can be intimidating to sit alone on one side of the room, whilst two or three others you barely know, sit on the other.

If you make it a practice to take this step in situations within your capability, you will be well informed about the value of a professional advocate should you require that kind of assistance at any time in the future. You will know the role they should provide and be able to ascertain their value in your circumstances.

Professional advocates are knowledgeable in almost any area of concern you may find yourself. They can be contacted through a google search, or professional recommendation from a service provider. It may be you receive a word of mouth recommendation from someone they have helped in the past. I have been an advocate for others simply because I have been through an experience similar to one another person may have been dealing with. I am being an advocate now in suggesting this advice.

Advocates take many forms. Paid professionals, friends, respected individuals doing a good deed on your behalf. But most of all they are an important tool in your box of tips and strategies. If I had my time over I could have saved myself a great deal of angst by using this strategy on more occasions. Just the feeling of knowing you are not alone when faced with decisions that must be made, is a plus.

Friends and family give emotional support which is the main role you require from them. Choose your advocate based on the practical support and previous knowledge they may have. Don’t wait till you find yourself drowning in a sea of confusion to seek that support. Most people in your immediate community who have been through similar experiences will help if asked, especially if they have a kind heart. Being an advocate helps in the personal growth of that person as well. So you are actually doing someone else a service in asking their assistance.